I wish I could adequately convey how wonderful it felt to sing tonight at the Kabbalat Shabbat service at Temple. The long and short of it is that as a kid I felt that Temple was quite beautiful, but inaccessible. I was adopted. My adoptive mother never converted, although she attended Temple. Was I 'really' a Jew? The other kids seemed more Jew-y ... Jewier, if you will. They were getting bar and bat mitzvah'ed. I wasn't. I had an inferiority complex miles into the wilderness.
Then I got into creativity and drugs and wild behavior, and couldn't imagine myself as a child of G-d.
You know?
And now I am going around again at Temple and kind of like ... wow... I like this. I want to know more. I want to feel that spiritual connection and sense of history. I want a roadmap of sorts to guide me. But I'm not sure about everything. And I'm reallly into Buddhism, always have been. There is no Buddhist temple here or that's where I would be. Every religion and practice is a means to a similar end, that's how I see it. But Judaism, because I was raised with it, feels holy. And like a path that I know how to walk.
And now's the time to mention: I love singing. It's probably too late in life to be useful about it, or good, but who's to say? It brings me closer to all that is pure and good, and that feeling is irreplaceable.
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