Things ARE good! True, I can't sleep tonight. But things are good. I remember thinking they never would be again. There are no more chemicals in my body to mess up my mind and emotions. It's finally possible to live - just live. How strange and amazing. I remember thinking "how do they do it?" in the times (decades) when nothing seemed sustainable. Because it wasn't. No relationship had staying power, no job would be kept longer than the time it took to find somewhere to take off to. I don't run anymore, and it's scary. But also secure. There's no way in hell I will ever apologize for this, for this feeling of being here now. It's hard, daily work. But nothing ... Nothing ... NOTHING was harder than living an almost-there-but-never-will-be life.
I have a career I like.
I don't have a boyfriend, because the right one has not come along.
I have an honest way of living.
How cool is all of that?!?!
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