The best thing about recovery is gaining emotional tools. This does not mean I feel good all the time. It does mean that when I don't feel good, or know my thinking isn't right (ie, when I get absurdly angry, when I get self-righteous, even those times when I feel petty cause guess what, it happens) ... there's something behind it. And I can call someone or get to the bottom of it using my new emotional tools.
When I'm disturbed, the problem is with ME.
"But other people do wrong things!" I know. Sometimes, they do or seem to. But where does going down that road get me? Worst case scenario? Drunk or dead. Best case scenario? I lose my emotional sobriety.
Sobriety comes in many forms. It's not only about a drink or drug. We learn quickly that "alcohol is but a symptom". For me it was a symptom of having little emotional control. When I am irritable, restless and discontent there are people who would say that's a natural response to life and the shitty world we live in, etc etc. I say it's not a healthy response. My emotional sanity or lack thereof does not condone or condemn another's actions. It simply stands in my way or it helps me. I prefer it to help me. Frustration is when I used to give up. Now frustration is when I take a long, hard look at myself, reach out to friends and family, call my sponsor, review how well I've taken care of myself that day.
Pretty cool.
We say it's about learning to be human. I say being human doesn't have to be ugly. But if it is, that's ok and we move on forward. And try again the next day. And when we get it right we do not sabotage it. And when we need a friend we ask and, in between, we appreciate the hell out of every wonderful person who is in our lives! At least that's what I try doing. At the end of the day, or during, whether by reflection or saying words when the time feels right, "people who need people are the luckiest people in the world". - Funny Girl
I certainly relate to not feeling right and having to get a grip on what's really going on.
ReplyDeleteRelated to your blog (but not necessarily this post), have you ever read James Lee Burke's Dave Robicheaux series? It's a mystery series, noir style with lots of shady characters set in Louisiana. It's a bit heavy reading at time, but great writing. Dave, the protagonist, is a recovering alcoholic and AA meetings are part of his stories.
I have not - that's cool! For the time being I've steered clear of stuff that's too heavy, but love AA in literature and film.
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