9-Step Plan for Anxiety

Today my friend Amanda posted a post-panic attack instructional review. If we have to endure these things, some of us, I for one am glad to feel a little less alone than I used to when I thought I was just nutso. Not true. And for any readers who think "can't you just calm down?!" then the answer is "No". You can't. I always say that a panic attack is like someone spiking your coffee, or slipping you acid. You simply start to change and you don't know why. It's terrifying. With that said!: 

Presenting Amanda Mitchell's 100% darling and fool-proof
9-step plan for anxiety attacks. 

(I love her, I don't love them) 

"How to Have an Anxiety Attack:

Step One: Hey, you know what you haven't thought about for a while? Everything. All at once.

Step Two: All the chihuahuas who tremble like this have nicer accessories and handbags than you do.

Step Three: There is nowhere near enough oxygen on the planet for this level of hyperventilating. You should probably start freaking out about that, too. That's science.

Step Four: They do make medication for this, you know...

Step Five: ...Although it works better when you don't throw it up in a parking lot ten minutes after you take it.

Step Six: You didn't have any plans that require concentration for the next eight hours, did you?

Step Seven: Hi. I'm your adrenal gland. I'm tired and you won't leave me alone, so please hold still while I hold this chloroform-soaked rag up to your face.

Step Eight: You didn't have any plans that require consciousness for the next ten hours, did you?

Step Nine: Remember all that stuff that happened yesterday? You should probably spend the next four days being embarrassed and depressed about that."


Amanda is a very, very funny lady. You'd be lucky to know her.