It's been awhile without updates on this blog. I thought it was maybe dead in the water, and then realized it's MY blog. And I can fix this. I had been thinking I needed to delete this whole thing. That I'd shared too much personal information, been a little "too" human. Fear, fear, fear.
Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
I moved in, last month, to a new house with my best friend and soul mate. He energizes me when everyone and everything else exhausts me. We're on the same wavelength, which is something I almost never get to say. It's pretty fantastic.
Work has been amazing, I worry less, and since moving out of my parents' house, I am much calmer.
Avenue Q Revival has been playing at our local theatre and being part of the running crew has been fun and made me a couple new friends, but the magic of the first Ave Q is not really there. Because the magic has shifted to other areas of life, I suspect. It sure was a great first gig in Feb 2012 when I had no job, no partner, no place of my own. I wasn't even working out at that time. Time has let life exceed my wildest dreams! The only thing to do is keep going.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Sunday, April 28, 2013
The wondrous loving moments
I hesitate to post that I have met an incredible human. And, "okay", you say, I meet them every day. Everyone is incredible! You'd be right about this. But I met an incredible human who I let close to me in ways I don't let most other people, or, these days and past years, anyone at all. And this person is close to me in ways I don't "allow" per se - they're close to me because we hear each other on some profound level that can't be forced or willed; it just is. How many similarities and interesting things need to happen before sharing with you that I share a connection with another that is unlike any other? Is it like pregnancy, where you are supposed to wait "x" number of months? I am not sure. But if it ended tomorrow, I could share that I met an incredible human and had, over and over again, what a friend of mine has always called a "holy moment". Only these moments last and come back again the next day or next hour or next moment however it defines itself.
It's a really nice, comfortable, wondrous, even validating feeling that you've held out for what you knew would be the right thing and the absolute best thing for you. "Someday someone will come into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else."
It's a really nice, comfortable, wondrous, even validating feeling that you've held out for what you knew would be the right thing and the absolute best thing for you. "Someday someone will come into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else."
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Burma/Myanmar and Buddhism
I love Soundcloud, and this podcast about what's happening over there and in the context of Buddhism
On Being: Burma, Buddhism and Power
The introduction to Burma/Myanmar and Aung San Suu Kyi came in high school when I first saw this film
On Being: Burma, Buddhism and Power
The introduction to Burma/Myanmar and Aung San Suu Kyi came in high school when I first saw this film
Please enjoy this VHS cover photo!
And saw Aung San Suu Kyi depicted in this scene
And saw Aung San Suu Kyi depicted in this scene
And ... what's my purpose?
It's useless to ask; I'll never know! But if I keep doing the next right thing then somehow, magically, it does come together enough for my emotional comfort. Like the Doctorow quote (I think):
writing (/slash/ life) is like driving on the highway in heavy fog; you can only see three feet in front of you but you can make the whole journey that way.
Pressure's off that way, and sky's the limit.
That's comfort by my book.
writing (/slash/ life) is like driving on the highway in heavy fog; you can only see three feet in front of you but you can make the whole journey that way.
Pressure's off that way, and sky's the limit.
That's comfort by my book.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
A Memory 2010
I am out in the woods. I am going to create a new world. I am going to start everything from the ground up. My physical suffering isn't the point - it's winter - as I'm already suffering, like it or not. I have a broken leg. And I'm cast out. I've dropped myself out. Society might as well not even exist. Except for the strange boy up the hill, and his awful parents who live in the filthiest trailer I have ever even conceived.
It gives me shudders to write this.
I'm down in a valley and there's an open space bordered by woods. About 2 acres. My dog is with me. Radar, the dog I have now. My best friend. The night before, I'd lit the wood stove in the abandoned car port. The space was too big and open to get warm, so I built a little shelter on the other side of the wall where the heat came through, in order to trap it. No telling if that was necessary, but it got us through the night. Port wine helped me forget that this was scary and almost not even possible. You can't build a new world. You can't create a new life. Right? You cannot do it alone. I know that's right. Or, I know that now.
I feel like I can't publish this without some catharsis. It's an awful point in the story. It's also an amazing point. It's a story that might need to be told because it was unusual, like all our stories. There's a peace mingled with terror as I write this. There's a knowing that one doesn't run from where one's been. There's no catharsis that happened on this land, just some very spooky stories. I wasn't there long, about 5 days in this location. How surreal. This is where I was. It's where I've been.
It gives me shudders to write this.
I'm down in a valley and there's an open space bordered by woods. About 2 acres. My dog is with me. Radar, the dog I have now. My best friend. The night before, I'd lit the wood stove in the abandoned car port. The space was too big and open to get warm, so I built a little shelter on the other side of the wall where the heat came through, in order to trap it. No telling if that was necessary, but it got us through the night. Port wine helped me forget that this was scary and almost not even possible. You can't build a new world. You can't create a new life. Right? You cannot do it alone. I know that's right. Or, I know that now.
I feel like I can't publish this without some catharsis. It's an awful point in the story. It's also an amazing point. It's a story that might need to be told because it was unusual, like all our stories. There's a peace mingled with terror as I write this. There's a knowing that one doesn't run from where one's been. There's no catharsis that happened on this land, just some very spooky stories. I wasn't there long, about 5 days in this location. How surreal. This is where I was. It's where I've been.
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